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“I walked away from the church”

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"I walked away from the church"

contributed by Jacob Vartan, AllianceQ Council Member

When I was young I had an obsession with what happens to us when we die. I was always inquisitive and my grandmother took that as an opportunity to introduce me to her church. I fell in love with the glory, spectacle and pageantry of it all. Of course I did! I knew I was gay from a very young age.

I stayed in the church throughout my formative years, developing a relationship not only with God but the people with whom I was going to church. I had a community and believed with childlike faith.

In the early 90s I decided that I could no longer live a lie and I came out. It was the height of the AIDS epidemic. I had lost some friends and promised myself that I would live life without any secrets. I wish I could say that my community of faith supported me but that was not my experience. I walked away from the church and tucked God away in a tiny box. I never really walked away from God, but I did walk away from the discrimination I was facing.

It would take a very long time for me to find my way back to a community of faith. When I did come back to church I was met by a community that loved me where I was in life and supported me without conditions. I had the support of the church when I decided to go to school to further my life.

I majored in sociology mainly due to a conversation that I had with my pastor. I had what I believe was a calling to ministry. I was presented by a few situations where my Christianity was so obvious that the people thought I should be a pastor. When I told my pastor I felt pulled to ministry he sat me down and told me that while he believes I would be a great pastor, he would like me to be able to thrive financially as well as spiritually. He talked to me about how Jesus was first and foremost a sociologist. He talked to me about how when Jesus would see injustice he would stand and give a voice to those who did not have one.

I thought back on the time I walked away from the church. I thought about how I had no one to stand up for me and I decided I wanted to represent people who had no voice. Currently I serve an under-represented population in the mental health profession. I speak for a community that faces stigma and discrimination from the ruling class. I have a voice loud enough for people to hear because my voice comes from Him.

Jacob Vartan was elected to Council in October 2021. They shared their story during a recent Council retreat when leaders explored the many challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals, especially LGBTQ+ seminarians and clergy. Churches are not calling queer clergy to senior pastor positions. Open & Affirming ministries are not calling queer clergy.

In her November 30 Sojourners article “Why Pastors are Joining the Great Resignation,” Melissa Florer-Bixler writes, “My friends leaving ministry haven’t given up on the gospel or the body of Christ. But they also believe that the gospel is only good news if it is lived in the lives of those who claim our shared faith.”

Like Jacob said: “I never really walked away from God, but I did walk away from the discrimination I was facing.”

Church, we need LGBTQ+ individuals in our faith communities and leading our faith communities.

We acknowledge multi-faceted expressions of Christian vocation in and alongside the institutional church.

We are committed to increasing the Open & Affirming nature of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

And we must identify ways to support LGBTQ+ seminarians and clergy.

Immediate ways to support LGBTQ+ seminarians and clergy