Saying "I Do" in Newport News VA
This article was sent to us by Rev. Terrye Williams, Pastor of Hilton Christian Church in Newport News, VA. The article is written by Gwen Pointer. She and her partner Neala McLellon were the first same gender couple legally married at Hilton Christian Church. Hilton Christian Church is an Open & Affirming Congregation of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).
Wow! Did I really just legally marry my same sex partner on our 25th anniversary, in the Commonwealth of Virginia, and in a non-gay church?? Pinch me – I still think I’m dreaming. For many, many years I held the belief that this would not be possible within my lifetime and for just as many years I said that it didn’t matter to me, that it was just a piece of paper, that we already had a beautiful commitment ceremony in the Outer Banks and that I didn’t need to be married to validate our relationship. So, why does it seem so monumentally important now? I am surprised at how downright giddy I have been since our wedding.
We made the decision to get married last year after federal benefits started to become available and it seemed that even more would be forthcoming. We were also driven by Neala’s fervent vision to have a religious rather than a civil ceremony. As she put it, “I want God to be a part of this.” Our search for a venue eventually led us to the National City Christian Church in Washington, D.C., and Facilities Manager Bill Knight – a generous and kind man who opened his heart and his church to us when we explained that despite our dream to do so, we could not marry in our home church. The National City Church was massive and historic and majestic – it was everything you could dream of – but it was not home.
On October 6th, exactly one week before our scheduled October 13th wedding, the unthinkable happened when the United States Supreme Court’s refusal to hear referred cases resulted in the decisions of the appellate courts standing as law and all stays being lifted. Our phones began ringing off the hook and text messages flooded in that Monday morning. By Monday afternoon, we were at the York County Courthouse obtaining our Virginia marriage license and one week later, we stood in front of the altar at our home church – Hilton Christian Church, Disciples of Christ in Newport News – and were legally wed by the Reverend Dr. Terrye Williams.
It was everything that I had never dared dream of – and so much more, and God was definitely a part of it – for that, we owe a debt of gratitude to our congregation at Hilton Christian Church who had decided last year to formalize its policy of being an Open & Affirming church by passing a resolution to include same sex language. Although it is not a gay church, it has a good share of gay members, a growing number of young adults, a good representation of older and often very conservative members – you know, a lot like our families and the rest of the real world. Our wedding represented a huge change for the church and our church family could not have been more loving or supportive and I love every single one of them in turn.
The shocking “non-ruling” by the Supreme Court and the reaction of our church family was just the tip of the iceberg. The surprises have kept rolling in: I have been surprised by how many right leaning friends and colleagues have gone out of their way to congratulate us, how professional and kind people have been at the Courthouse when we obtained our license and at the City of Newport News Finance Office when we consolidated our benefits. I was thrilled by how much we are going to save by consolidating our health insurance. I was astonished by how many straight friends and family members upon hearing that we got married responded, “But I thought you already were.”
Finally, I’ve had some time now to reflect on why I have been so unabashedly happy since our wedding. It is not because my love for, or my loyalty to, Neala has changed. It is because these things are now openly and legally declared. It is because so many people fought so hard for this for so many years, and because I thought I could never have it and because it is oh so sweet now that I do. It is because I cherish my right to be married and I am so, so thankful to all of the many people who helped and supported us on this long and beautiful journey.