Matthew's Story: Christian Diversity, XPLOR, and Open & Affirming
Matthew Capestro, XPLOR resident in St. Louis, MO, shares his story of discovering Open & Affirming church.
In today’s world, diversity is almost the new normal. While many times we recognize differences in each other, it’s generally accepted that our population is highly diverse with many different ethnic, religious, and social origins. In our everyday lives, many of us often interact with others who are from very different personal backgrounds than our own. Socially, America has always been a melting pot for diversification. What does diversity look like in modern Christianity, though?
Historically, there have been a few denominations of Christianity who have always championed openness and acceptance for all people. Many, however, have been less inviting to diversity. Resistance to amending the basic theology and core value system of any denomination can often be a commendable characteristic. It is when these values, theologies, and practices begin to ostracize or even attack a particular group of people where true damage in the name of Christ can occur.
In writing about diversity as it relates to organized religion, the tone and context can take many forms. My focus is simply to share my personal story of how an open and affirming church saved my spiritual life. To deviate from that is to enter the territory of a seemingly endless battle between affirmation of individual spirit and judgment-based exclusion.
My religious foundation was built in the Catholic Church. As a child, I went to Catholic school until I began high school. I struggled with my sexuality for as long as I can remember. I knew early on that I was attracted to men, but I also knew that this was not socially or religiously acceptable. It stayed a secret for 26 years of my life.
For 26 years of my life, I also knew that according to my religion, living a life as a homosexual meant I would go directly to hell. I believed in the religious education I had received and it was thoroughly reinforced in the social experience I lived as a child. Other kids knew that I was different, and because of that, I was bullied and made fun of. Instead of accepting myself, I tried very unsuccessfully to be the person I was supposed to be.
The bullying continued well into High School. By the 6th grade, I was a fully functioning addict. The only way I could deal with the pain of being bullied was to alter my consciousness with chemicals. At this age, I had no idea what addiction was. I just knew it was a way to escape my reality.
I could go on and on about this time, or about how I also ended up married to a woman in hopes that eventually God would magically change who I was. I could write about all the terrible things that happened at the hands of intolerance and rejection, but what is most important is what transformation came once I found the light of grace. Table of Grace, to be exact.
Table of Grace is my home church in Jefferson City, Missouri. I had finally accepted myself as a gay man around a year prior to finding this church. I had come out to my wife and family. I then divorced and began living in my own skin. It was extraordinarily uncomfortable and the one thing I kept praying for was a church that would accept an openly gay man.
At this point in my life, having only experienced religion at the hands of less tolerant denominations, I assumed there was no such thing as a church that would be open and accepting of all people. I was wrong. It turns out there are now many Christian churches that welcome diversity and thrive on acceptance and affirmation.
Since finding Table of Grace, I have found acceptance and spiritual guidance. Having a non-judgmental sacred space to go to God is invaluable to a person who has always been at the hands of judgment from society. I was able to ‘get clean’ in this place. I was able to accept that God does love me. I was able to see that love is the core of God – not judgment, wrath, or vengeance.
Since Table of Grace became my home church, many paths have opened up. Most recently, I started work for XPLOR. This is a program through Disciples of Christ where a person is given the opportunity to live in an intentional spiritual community and be part of social justice work. It has been a blessing to be part of this program so far, as it welcomes diversity and individuality in so many ways. Each of the 12 residents brings a vastly different service to the work of God, and this only can happen by XPLOR being a genuinely open table.
There are many examples of Jesus sitting down at an open table. Not only did he invite those who the religious leaders of the day would not have dined with, but he invited ALL of us as well. The stories of Jesus sitting down with a tax collector or feeding large groups of people without asking their sexuality or orientation exist as examples of God’s love and grace for ALL. Christianity believes in the Bible, and with this, Christianity can also find comfort that these stories are shared as guidance for each and every follower of Christ to have His same openness and acceptance.
Today, in reflecting on who I view as my biggest advocate for openness, tolerance, acceptance, and even affirmation, I simply look to the stories of Jesus. He provides the finest examples in all the world of Love and unending Grace. It is in the teachings of Jesus where we learn the true nature of God – a loving God who welcomes us all to His table.