Does Your Congregation Have a Wedding Policy?
Since July’s Supreme Court ruling that same gender couples have a right to civil marriage, many clergy and congregations have been asked to perform weddings for same gender couples. With those requests has come the need for many congregations to do some soul searching and decide how to handle these requests.
Does your congregation have a wedding policy? Has it been updated recently? A wedding policy is helpful in many ways.
A wedding policy can:
- Guide your pastor when deciding to schedule and perform weddings for couples;
- Guide couples as to what is appropriate and inappropriate in your sanctuary, such as choice of music and use of decorations;
- Guide couples as to what to expect in terms of service, such as allowed reading selections and order of service;
- … and many other issues around weddings and the appropriate use of your sanctuary.
You might also be interested in policies published by other Disciples congregations.
Here are a few more suggestions and guidelines offered by Rev. Mark Johnston, Ph.D., Executive Director of GLAD’s Open & Affirming Ministry Program:
Every congregation is on a journey of welcome. We have learned to welcome in many ways and the Gospel challenges us to continue this journey. There is always a new neighbor to meet and and there is always room to learn how to join with our neighbors at the table where Christ welcomes us all.
It is important both to acknowledge honestly where on that journey we stand today and to continue opening that welcome to new neighbors.
Being honest about where we stand today makes it more likely that we won’t create more hurt; and more importantly, being honest with ourselves creates space to examine where God is calling us and to find the next stepping stone on our welcoming journey. The GLAD Alliance has many resources to help a congregation find its next step. Some are listed in the links below.
When a congregation is examining and rewriting its wedding policy, I would suggest keeping several points in mind.
- The policy you set today is a stepping stone. If the policy you set today is imperfect but the best that can be done now, commit to continuing prayer and education on the topics that you find difficult, and commit to revisiting the policy at a certain date in the future. Even the best written policy should be revisited every few years.
- Be honest about your congregation’s current position on same gender weddings.
- If your congregation is unwilling to allow same gender weddings in the sanctuary, state this clearly on your website and other materials regarding weddings. A couple would much rather discover that you will not schedule their wedding from your website than from a phone call. There is no need to be euphemistic. “First Christian Church does not allow the use of its sanctuary for same gender weddings.”
- If your congregation does welcome same gender weddings, state this openly and clearly. A couple is much more likely to call your church to schedule a wedding if your website and other materials makes it clear that they are welcome. This is an important ministry to the LGBT community. “Central Christian Church welcomes all couples, including same gender and mixed gender couples, to celebrate their weddings in our sanctuary.” (Of course, be sure to include in this statement any other requirements, such as the ones I mention below.)
- Set the same requirements for same gender couples as for all other couples. Requirements around church membership, counseling, and fees, as well as rules for use of the building, should be the same for all couples without reference to gender.
- Word your policies without reference to gender. Remove words such as “bride,” groom,” “bridesmaids,” “groomsmen,” and “bridal party.” Instead, refer to the couple, members of the wedding party, and the wedding party. For more suggestions about same gender weddings, see the short paper I wrote on Celebrating Equal Marriage and other wedding related resources on GLAD’s website.
- If your congregation already names itself as welcoming the LGBT community, it is important that you examine your wedding policy and ensure that the welcome of LGBT people in your congregation extends to your wedding policy. If your congregation is not willing to welcome same gender weddings in the sanctuary, it is time to examine where God is calling your congregation and find the next stepping stone on the welcoming journey.
- Remember that an open welcome to the LGBT community is an important ministry to your neighbors. (For more on that, click here, here, and here.) An important step on the journey towards open affirmation is to add your congregation to GLAD’s Open & Affirming Ministry Program.
Click here for information on how any congregation can find the next stepping stone to more welcome.
Click here for more information about GLAD’s O&A Ministry Program.
Better yet, send me an email at mark@gladalliance.org and let’s talk about resources that will help a congregation increase welcome in a grace-filled way.