A sacred container: holding space for each other in this crisis and always
A story about the intersection between faith, gender identity and mental health
*Contributed by Amy Spangler-Dunning, LPC, MDiv
It was Palm Sunday, the year of COVID-19. Our Sunday School group met as usual, now through Zoom. But this time, within five minutes the conversation turned to the topic of suicide. This is a LGBTQ and Ally group at a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) congregation.
The supposed topic for the day was a book about having tough conversations around difference. On this morning, some two months into the state’s stay-at-home “except for essential needs” order, the topic took a turn. The question was posed by a participant, “While Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, do you think when he was tempted to throw himself off the pinnacle, he might have really been contemplating suicide?”
There was no weighty or awkward silence. This is a group that holds each other’s thoughts and questions like a sacred container, and we look at them. So that morning we shared what this interpretation of the wilderness story might mean to us. We shared whether any of us had ever thought of ending our life, particularly during these months of isolation. The sharing was vulnerable. It was real. And finally, a group member asked the person who originally posed the question about Jesus: “So, I need to just ask you, Mary, are you feeling suicidal?” To which she said, “I just can’t stand to be alone.”
Mary is a transgender female with an adult-age son. She was a Social Worker for many years, then a computer technician. She was let go from one position during and because of her transition and now drives a school bus for a local school system. She lives by herself and the virus is isolating her from the few places she feels comfortable and accepted—the church and a local bookstore. We all struggle to keep the Coronavirus away from our physical bodies, but Mary and others like her struggle during this time to fend off not only the physical virus, but the deep, dark, insidious emotional viruses of disconnection and loneliness.
Mary is an incredible artist, an insightful theologian and a most delightful friend. Her story exemplifies the intersection between faith, gender identity and mental health. The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted the marginalized in ways people of privilege rarely understand. When people are marginalized, they may have, if lucky, only a couple places that feel safe. Having to stay at home takes away these havens of comfort and connection. Without them, the world can become so small, the loneliness so large, that it is easy to begin wondering whether it matters at all if they are even here.
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The need for strong support in the LGBTQ+ community has always been crucial and especially now must be intensified. Creating safe space for public discussion, such as the LGBTQ and Ally group mentioned here, is a part of this support. For its particular context, this group, for example, has agreed that such space will be defined by: non-judgmentalism, decreased negativity, a sense of freedom to try new things, diversity in leadership, relationship building in and outside of set meeting times, personal commitment to managing emotional triggers, agreed upon rules for dialogue, naming and sharing from our own perspective and a commitment to confidentiality.
According to Haas, Rodgers and Herman in their work Suicide attempts among transgender and gender non-conforming adults: Findings of the national transgender discrimination survey (UCLA School of Law):
“the prevalence of suicide attempts among [transgender people] is 41 percent, which vastly exceeds the 4.6 percent of the overall U.S. population . . . and is also higher than the 10-20% of lesbian, gay and bisexual adults who report ever attempting suicide.”
The following suggestions can help guide us in public discussion about suicide in accurate and respectful ways (information adapted from Movement Advancement Project, MAP, Suicide & LGBT Populations).
- DO emphasize individual and collective responsibility for supporting the well-being of the LGBTQ community.
- DO encourage help-seeking by LGBTQ people who may be contemplating suicide and emphasize the availability of supportive resources.
- DO educate ourselves on local LGBTQ affirming therapists, support groups, crisis centers.
- DON’T use words like “successful,” “unsuccessful” or “failed” when talking about suicide. It is unhealthy to describe non-fatal suicide attempts as a “failure” or that completed suicides are “successful.” Instead, simply talk about “suicide death” or “attempted suicide.”
- DON’T attribute a suicide death to experiences known or believed to have occurred shortly before the person died. Underlying causes of most suicide deaths are complex and not always immediately obvious.
- DON’T normalize suicide by presenting it as the logical consequence of the kinds of bullying, rejection, discrimination and exclusion that LGBTQ people often experience. Presenting suicide as the inexplicable act of an otherwise healthy LGBTQ person can encourage at-risk individuals to identify with the victim (or the victim’s life circumstances) and increase risk of suicidal behavior.
- DON’T idealize suicide victims or create an aura of celebrity around them. Research shows this may encourage others to emulate them.
- DON’T talk about suicide “epidemics.” This can encourage at-risk individuals to see themselves as part of a larger story and may elevate suicide risk.
The following link from the National Center for Transgender Equality provides a variety of resources for support available to LGBTQ communities during the COVID-19 pandemic:
https://www.them.us/story/online-resources-lgbtq-coronavirus
About Amy Spangler-Dunning (she/her/hers)
Amy has been an ordained Disciple Clergy since 1995 and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor since 2012. She has pastored churches in Kentucky and Iowa and for the past seven years was employed at the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center in Des Moines, Iowa. In August of 2019, Amy and her husband Bill moved to Virginia where she is now a member of First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Lynchburg and involved in the LGBTQ and Ally Sunday morning group. In her therapy practice in Lynchburg, Magnolia Counseling Services, she has a special interest in working with individuals who have experienced developmental trauma and is growing her expertise in providing LGBTQ-affirming therapy as she connects more closely to the needs of this population in the Lynchburg area.